The FBI says that three Denver-area teenage girls tried to join ISIS.
- But they changed their minds when they learned how bad phone reception is on the battlefield.
- Wait until they try to contact their friends, and realize that among officially sanctioned ISIS emoticons there is no such thing as a smiley face.
Senator Mitch McConnell is in an extremely tight reelection race. To tip the scales his staff is offering to provide transportation, meals, and overnight accommodations to anyone willing to travel with the campaign bus and loudly cheer the senator at his appearances.
- And you get extra pie if you can manage to faint on camera after shaking the senator’s hand.
China is very upset that Kenny G visited pro-democracy protests in Hong Kong.
- Yeah, I feel the same way when he comes to my town.
Sales of Coca-Cola are down so Coke says it’s going to have to reduce its spending.
- What does this mean for the consumer? It means that Coke will still taste like Coke, but bubbles are now sold separately.
Charles Oliver Stanley 